Colonel Fairfax, a young warrior, has been falsely accused of witchcraft and he’s in the Tower of London, awaiting execution. Sergeant Meryll, of the Yeomen of the Guard, and his daughter Phoebe, who has fallen in love with Fairfax, despite her never having spoken to him, form a plan to free him. Phoebe’s brother Leonard will join the Yeomen that day: instead he will go into hiding and take his place. Fairfax will live, disguised as Leonard, until he can escape or his name can be cleared.

Fairfax knows nothing of the plan and, believing that he is about to die, asks the Lieutenant of the Tower to arrange a secret marriage for him which will prevent an avaricious kinsman from inheriting his lands. The Lieutenant agrees and sets off in search of a wife. Anyone will do.

Two strolling players, Jack Point and Elsie Maynard arrive, attended by an increasingly hostile gang of Citizens. To placate them they perform a singing farce, The Merryman and his Maid, but misrule breaks out again and the players are rescued by Sir Richard, who quickly ascertains that Elsie is single and sufficiently disposable to become Fairfax’s bride. Point and Elsie cannot resist the financial inducement and, when Elsie is led away to her strange marriage, the Lieutenant buys Point’s silence by engaging him as his jester.

Phoebe and Meryll return put his plan into action. Phoebe must bet the keys of Fairfax’s cell from the Chief Gaoler, Wilfred Shadbolt. Not difficult, for Wilfred is consumed with a jealous passion for her. As she distracts him with visions of their married happiness they might enjoy one day, the Sergeant takes the keys, frees the Colonel and returns them without the Gaoler realising.

Now Fairfax must be passed off as Meryll’s son. The Yeomen arrive, eager to meet the new recruit, an awkward encounter for Fairfax knows next to nothing about the man he is now supposed to be. Phoebe rushes in to greet her brother. Fairfax fails to recognise her, but Wilfred, unwittingly, helps him out by telling him she’s his sister, that they are betrothed (news to everyone) and that, until the marriage, it is his duty to protect his sister from her own easy-going nature.

As ‘brother and sister’ relish the arrangement, the bell of St. Peter ad Vincula tolls, announcing the Colonel’s escape. City folk arrive as the Household assembles. Fairfax finds himself bizarrely part of a guard of honour to escort the prisoner to the block. As the Citizens pray for Fairfax’s soul, Elsie wanders amongst them pleading Heaven’s intercession for the husband she has never seen.

The Guard returns. Fairfax has vanished. Furious, the Lieutenant arrests Shadbolt for dereliction of duty. Nearly mad with the realisation of what she has done, Elsie swoons as Point berates her greed and stupidity. Fairfax comes to the rescue and carries her off to safety as the crowd explodes with accusations of treason, treachery and witchcraft.

Act Two

Fairfax has been missing for two days and the Yeomen search for him in vain. The city wives berate them for their failure and the wanders go off to continue their search.

Jack Point enters in low spirits. He seems unable to please his new master and is preoccupied with the dilemma of Elsie’s marriage. Wilfred is released from gaol and Point taunts him. Looking for new employment, Shadbolt suggests that he too become a jester. Quickly realising that Shadbolt is a potential ally, Point offers to make him a jester in return for a simple lie: he must pretend to have shot and killed Fairfax.

The Colonel appears, still in disguise, and bitterly regrets his new found freedom that keeps him imprisoned in a loveless marriage. Sergeant Meryll complains that Dame Carruthers is pestering him – she has taken up lodgings with him on the pretence of nursing Elsie Maynard – and the Dame appears with her niece, Kate, to happening of late and Dame Carruthers is growing suspicious.

Delighted to discover that his unknown wife is the lovely young woman he has rescued, Fairfax sets about wooing her as “Leonard”. Elsie is strongly attracted to him but protests that she is already married. Fairfax is about to reveal everything when a shot is heard. The Lieutenant and Citizens tumble out of bed, terrified that war or invasion threatens them. Shadbolt and Point then relate the cock-and-bull story of Fairfax’s escape and assassination. Rehabilitated, Wilfred is hailed as a hero and the satisfied Point is able to pick up where he left off with Elsie.

But Elsie is distraught and rejects his advances out of hand. Fairfax offers to teach him how to make love to a woman and enlists Phoebe’s help. The situation rapidly gets out of hand and Elsie, now believing herself to be a widow, gives in entirely to “Leonard” who clearly adores her. Phoebe and Point realise too late that they have been duped.

Alone, Phoebe rails against the Colonel’s treachery, but Wilfred overhears her complaints and the implied confession of assisting Fairfax’s escape. He agrees to remain silent if she marries him. Reluctantly she agrees as her real brother returns with news that Colonel Fairfax has been reprieved. Meryll commiserates with his daughter and Dame Carruthers overhears. She has bagged him at last and insists on marriage as the price for her silence. The Sergeant makes no bones about his reluctance but admits defeat.

As dawn breaks, Elsie prepares for her wedding to “Leonard”. The groom is about to appear when Sir Richard announces that Fairfax is alive and that she cannot marry the man she loves. Despairingly Elsie bids farewell to a life of happiness and turns to do her duty. Seeing that Fairfax and “Leonard” is the same man, she embraces him ecstatically as Point appears. The heartbroken jester makes one last attempt to recover his former happiness but Elsie remains true to her husband. As the Citizens join in celebrating the marriage, Point falls insensible at her feet.